Tag Archives: fear

the call

Posted on January 27, 2023 by The Lost Pedestrian

I’m nervous tonight. Anxious and nervous. Nerxious. There’s a possibility that this person might call me, or text me if I don’t answer, and even though I would be so much happier not responding, I am afraid I will be … Continue reading →

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A mole’s life

Posted on October 28, 2019 by The Lost Pedestrian

Trump is killing me. I am dying beneath the weight of him. Since November 8 2016, things are gradually leaving me. My creative spark: gone. Any other kind of spark: gone. Abstract thinking: gone. My ability to read anything other … Continue reading →

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sarcoidosis (spreading)

Posted on December 18, 2016 by The Lost Pedestrian

Tonight I attended a John Cage concert at some chapel at Harvard University. What started out as this beautiful, meditative tone poem for piano and violin, with increasingly sustained periods of silence between each note… well I was totally into it at … Continue reading →

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Words of the day

Posted on July 9, 2016 by The Lost Pedestrian

These are the only words I have spoken today. This was in response to the ringing of the iphone that belongs to the woman who sits next to me at work: Hey. That sounds just like my alarm clock. To which she responded: … Continue reading →

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185 days or 26 weeks and 3 days or 129 working days or 56 nonworking days

Posted on July 7, 2016 by The Lost Pedestrian

Time period between January 4, 2016 and July 7, 2016 (exclusive) equals to: 185 days … or 26 weeks & 3 days … or approx. 6 months Between January 4, 2016 and July 7, 2016 (exclusive) there are: 129 working days (1032 hours), 56 non-working days including: 26 Saturdays, 26 Sundays, 4 federal holidays falling on weekdays At least 56 … Continue reading →

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over/under/thinking

Posted on July 23, 2014 by The Lost Pedestrian

last night’s piano lesson was a catastrophe from the get-go. i had not practiced in over 2 weeks and i probably should have cancelled because lessons tend to go very poorly and are are extremely extremely difficult when i don’t practice. … Continue reading →

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an offering

Posted on September 22, 2013 by The Lost Pedestrian

i was frozen in traffic much of the day, many hours waiting at a single stoplight. eventually, a rail thin man of uncertain age and complexion knocked on my window. and i tried to ignore him. then he knocked again, … Continue reading →

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Saturday, 11:32 pm

Posted on September 15, 2013 by The Lost Pedestrian

i was standing in a large room, a hall of some sort, and all around me in the candlelight, hundreds of people were singing in a language with words i could not recognize, and their bodies were swaying with the … Continue reading →

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scary

Posted on February 25, 2013 by The Lost Pedestrian

an odd day of feeling nothing absolutely nothing at all. i wish that would scare me but today i am not capable of even feeling scared. Which makes this all the more scarier. what if i am this way tomorrow? … Continue reading →

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the plate

Posted on February 18, 2013 by The Lost Pedestrian

my fall from grace occurred gradually and by and large, without incident. i can’t point to one specific event. Actually, now that I think about it, there may have been one incident. i think the year was 2000. i seem … Continue reading →

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erroneous

Posted on December 18, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

i don’t know what it is about me that can’t accept any decision i make, that constantly, voraciously questions the choices i make. as soon as i reach 1 decision, i see only calamity and doom. while the choice i … Continue reading →

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160/100

Posted on November 16, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

something is happening but i don’t know what it is. why my blood pressure has escalated so very very high these past few months. up until June, i was perfectly healthy. But today, while getting my wrist examined after last … Continue reading →

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dandelion tea

Posted on October 16, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

fear and doubt have undone me today. i don’t even really want to talk about it. not here anyway. not now. too many unknowns to navigate. how does one navigate them all? i just can’t do it. maybe my new … Continue reading →

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8 questions

Posted on August 1, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

have you ever felt this urgency to say something, to put something out there in the world, but you have no sense what that would be or how to articulate even the question of what it would be? have you … Continue reading →

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