Tag Archives: fear

sarcoidosis (spreading)

Tonight I attended a John Cage concert at some chapel at Harvard University. What started out as this beautiful, meditative tone poem for piano and violin, with increasingly sustained periods of silence between each note… well I was totally into it at … Continue reading

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Words of the day

These are the only words I have spoken today. This was in response to the ringing of the iphone that belongs to the woman who sits next to me at work: Hey. That sounds just like my alarm clock. To which she responded: … Continue reading

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185 days or 26 weeks and 3 days or 129 working days or 56 nonworking days

Time period between January 4, 2016 and July 7, 2016 (exclusive) equals to: 185 days … or 26 weeks & 3 days … or approx. 6 months Between January 4, 2016 and July 7, 2016 (exclusive) there are: 129 working days (1032 hours), 56 non-working days including: 26 Saturdays, 26 Sundays, 4 federal holidays falling on weekdays At least 56 … Continue reading

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over/under/thinking

last night’s piano lesson was a catastrophe from the get-go. i had not practiced in over 2 weeks and i probably should have cancelled because lessons tend to go very poorly and are are extremely extremely difficult when i don’t practice. … Continue reading

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an offering

i was frozen in traffic much of the day, many hours waiting at a single stoplight. eventually, a rail thin man of uncertain age and complexion knocked on my window. and i tried to ignore him. then he knocked again, … Continue reading

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Saturday, 11:32 pm

i was standing in a large room, a hall of some sort, and all around me in the candlelight, hundreds of people were singing in a language with words i could not recognize, and their bodies were swaying with the … Continue reading

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scary

an odd day of feeling nothing absolutely nothing at all. i wish that would scare me but today i am not capable of even feeling scared. Which makes this all the more scarier. what if i am this way tomorrow? … Continue reading

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the plate

my fall from grace occurred gradually and by and large, without incident. i can’t point to one specific event. Actually, now that I think about it, there may have been one incident. i think the year was 2000. i seem … Continue reading

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erroneous

i don’t know what it is about me that can’t accept any decision i make, that constantly, voraciously questions the choices i make. as soon as i reach 1 decision, i see only calamity and doom. while the choice i … Continue reading

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160/100

something is happening but i don’t know what it is. why my blood pressure has escalated so very very high these past few months. up until June, i was perfectly healthy. But today, while getting my wrist examined after last … Continue reading

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dandelion tea

fear and doubt have undone me today. i don’t even really want to talk about it. not here anyway. not now. too many unknowns to navigate. how does one navigate them all? i just can’t do it. maybe my new … Continue reading

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8 questions

have you ever felt this urgency to say something, to put something out there in the world, but you have no sense what that would be or how to articulate even the question of what it would be? have you … Continue reading

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