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Monthly Archives: January 2013
the explanation
i believe i have entered my third trimester of reading The Brothers Karamazov, reading only a few pages each day on the train to and from work. sometimes the bus. and i’m not at all self conscious about it. not … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged audiobook, commuters, face, glasses, Russian novel, somber, The Brothers Karamazov, train
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more on staying
it’s so strange telling my friends they did not know how close I came, within millimeters of leaving them for another city. But I don’t think they really even noticed. Maybe I was supposed to make this big blaring non-verbal … Continue reading
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inauthentic
my lack of confidence that i once thought i hid so well is not quite as hidden as it used to be. it might just be me, but i think people are beginning to notice. or maybe it’s just being so vulnerable at … Continue reading
detached
these disorienting days trying to orient myself to my new full-time work schedule with this new job. the rush to the trains. the rush back from lunch. the rush to the trains. the gym. the shower. the bed. in between … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged change, detachment, emptiness, full-time job, panic, routine, shock, work
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the village jew
i had no way of getting out of it. the mandatory employee bowling party at my new place of employment (probably topped the charts on my long list of alienating experiences. i did not bowl, but i learned the hard … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged alienation, banter, bowling party, chosen people, HR, investor, jolly, surgery, talking to myself, village Jew, voice, white man
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the problem
the problem with many of the sentences i write is that they are made out of words, often misspelled, but more often mis-used. i am not writing them as much as i am typing them. my typing is improving as … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged clutter, expression world, language, medium, noise, problem, silence, typing, vocabulary, writing
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where i am
when i look back upon my blog posts, it pains me to notice how repetitive i can be… writing the same things over and over again using different words in different combinations … but always always the same things. such … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged blame, change, courage, decisions, familiar, family, friends, inner strength, live, repetition, resolve, work
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Toast
My voice feels like toast. And it sounds like gravel, but Who am I to judge ?
the saboteur
i always thought i was a pretty decent team player until i was asked to behave as a member of a team. last night a canadian friend told me that my rebellion against team-building exercises (such as the much dreaded … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged bowling, canadian, friend, sabotage, saboteur, team player
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parenthesis
i was hit by a broken tidal wave, but, most fortunately, i was wearing a device that kept me afloat. by the time i returned to shore, it felt like my world was enclosed in parenthesis. i guess i am … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged assurance, bowling, grass, gravel, gray, Martin Luther King Day, outskirts, parenthesis, tidal wave
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a ramshackle affair
some days i feel like a chesapeake bay retriever. other days i feel like a wounded officer from some ramshackle disbanded army. one is n0t necessarily better than the other. i think the important thing is just to act p0lite … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged army, chesapeake bay retriever, concussion, dignity, distance, dreams, empty seats, information, memory, neurologist, pond, ramshackle, swimming pool, trains
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the courage to sleep
and then it occurred to me that sleep can be redefined. there are ways to make sleep into something voluminous and profound and constructive, something consequential and transforming. it doesn’t have to be downtime. it can be 8 hours of … Continue reading
the back row
you may have seen me sitting in the back row at the james bond movie tonight. that was me. i kept wandering out of the theater, behind the screen, out into the lobby, beneath the projection booth, past the concession … Continue reading
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Tagged avalanche, bowling, danger, email, James Bond, Martin Luther King Day, panic, shadows, theater, work
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lather
some people celebrate surviving their first week at a new job, binging on various forms of stimulants. my version was to binge on yogurt, 2 different kinds of yogurt within 20 minutes. i am all lathered up on yogurt (and … Continue reading