Monthly Archives: January 2014

falling in reverse slow motion

at one point, i turned away from my computer screen, and there through the window was snow, and i awakened at 3:00 in the afternoon. if my intellect did not tell me this was snow, i would have thought it … Continue reading

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pretend harder

i’ve been trying to figure out why i am so bad at work or work-related presentations–and why they feel so different than performing. is it because i feel like i am being scrutinized and judged based upon criteria that have … Continue reading

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June 20, 1961

anonymity is humility: it does not lie in the change of name, cloth or the identification with that which may be anonymous, an ideal, a heroic act, country, and so on. Anonymity is an act of the brain, the conscious … Continue reading

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tempatations

some have said that nights are not meant to be colder than this one. i would not argue. if only it were accompanied by a blizzard. an arctic blast without a blizzard is an empty gesture. a bone chilling gesture, … Continue reading

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possibly something

this may possibly become something else, but I’m not quite sure it’s there yet. some people on the radio tonight were talking about the differences between courage and fearlessness. Since I was listening while driving across the continent, I only picked … Continue reading

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My Subaru

for the past 2 nights, i’ve gone to see this company adapt the first 5 minutes of one of my performances from over 20 years ago–part of an entire production consisting of 9 beginnings of 9 performances by 9 different … Continue reading

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page 236

i just finished reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, which i didn’t think i would like at first because the first few chapters had that cute/clever feel that turns me off of so much contemporary American fiction, and leads … Continue reading

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mosquito consciousness

my hearing is still eluding me from one ear, the one on my right. my doctor prescribed these antibiotic ear drops that i drop into my ear while lying on my side and let gravity run its course. it’s kind … Continue reading

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listening without hearing

my temporary hearing loss lingers on. i don’t know how people do it. people who have real hearing loss. it’s completely thrown everything off. timing-wise, conversation-wise, perception- and perspective-wise. i dealt with this a bit better over the weekend when … Continue reading

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Mikrokosmos

i am trying to rise above this sinus/ear infection and trying to drown out the ringing that drowns out so many other things. but it just feels really really hard. at first, i was freaked to have so much more … Continue reading

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Globetrotting (work-in-progress)

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(yawn)

i seem to be spending too much time yawning these days. i’m yawning at just about everything, everywhere. i’m trying not to yawn at anyone. one of worst feelings one can have is to feel yawned at. for example, i … Continue reading

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sweater gazing

i’ve begun to notice that most of my sweaters are old and threadbare and have littles holes here and there. i am comfortable in them, but when i imagine how they might look to somebody who is not me, it … Continue reading

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4:00 in the afternoon

i awakened this morning under a heavy, heavy, unwieldy cloud of despair. i tried to walk around it for most of the day, but it nearly crushed me. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, at 4:00 in the afternoon, it … Continue reading

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one of many

i was proud to be one of many people slipping on the icy sidewalks and floor surfaces today.

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