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Monthly Archives: June 2013
swallowed
this video project i’m currently working on has swallowed me whole, for now. i’m almost There, but i keep finding little things in my perfectionism that keep pushing There a bit further away. But some time, one must say, ok … Continue reading
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busy
the question is hitting me again, why am i not in new york? but instead of answering it, i’ve fallen into an obsession. i’ve been working on my first video piece in (I am guessing) 28 years. i can’t say … Continue reading
excerpt from something that may become something else
I don’t’ seem to get out much these days, but the nice part about never going anywhere is that when you actually do go out somewhere, people are always so surprised to see you. which leads me to wonder if … Continue reading
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Tagged bus, bus driver, count, doorman, Dostoyevsky, gypsy music, hotel, identity, interstate, know, Montaigne, narcissism, orchestra, people, sardines, subway, The Brothers Karamazov
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a sighting
it was starting to feel as if everything was crashing in on me. that state i am prone to fall into when you’re not around. by “you,” i guess i mean my communal you. i was so getting used to … Continue reading
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Tagged absence, communal, community, crashing, rainbow, sighting
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celebrations
so strange. i just learned i do not have pancreatic cancer. my doctor said he was so overjoyed, he wanted to kiss me… and i guess, i’ve been totally totally in denial about the whole thing, i simply said “oh.”or … Continue reading
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Tagged anticipatory dread, celebration, death, doctor, essence, joy, life, mandatory meeting, memorial, pancreatic cancer
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depth
i’m at work. it’s pretty quiet here. i wish i had an office, one with a mattress of some sort instead of a desk, and dark window blinds. it would be nice to have a job where all that was … Continue reading
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Tagged degradation, dreams, employee, hockey, insult, piano, power napping, supervisor, unpleasant
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something good.
too weary to say anything. but if you are patient with me, i promise that something good will come of this.
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more trees
i could not seem to accomplish or focus on anything today, as often happens on Sundays when i am at my most biorhythmically off… a pattern that probably began slightly before my infancy. lots of miscues and snafus and miscommunications and … Continue reading
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Tagged biorhythms, deficit, inattention, miscommunication, miscue, patterns, snafu, trees
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reclamation project
my friend J and i were chatting (i hate that word) online because it’s just so much easier and free flowing than the phone. actually IM/chat/texting is probably where i am at my best. i’m much sharper, quick-witted, fleet-footed, devil-may-care, … Continue reading
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Tagged all the best, callous, chat, compassion, dates, dismissive, good luck, IM, margaritas, texting, wishing
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the desert stars
From Wind, Sand and Stars (1939) by Antoine de Saint-Exupery Once again I had found myself in the presence of a truth and had failed to recognize it. Consider what had happened to me: I had thought myself lost, had touched … Continue reading
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Tagged Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, death, desert, despair, heart, presence, renunciation, Sand, satisfaction, spirit, Stars, thirst, Wind
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it’s only alkaline phosphatase
how many thoughts can a body accumulate over a lifetime? 19 at my last count. 20 counting this one. i’ve been thinking in terms of lifetimes these days. i guess maybe even mortality. i suppose it’s a natural thing, on … Continue reading
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Tagged alarm, Alkaline Phosphatase, birthday, diseases, doctor, floodgates, nurse, probability, sushi
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neighbors
i am slightly freaking out about the neighbors on the other side of the wall of my apartment. lots of screeching voices. i can’t tell whether they are coming from an infant or an orgasm. but i am trying to … Continue reading
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Tagged creepy, infants, neighbors, noise, orgasm, recording, silence, walls
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plan making
the earth is so young and i am so old. how can that be? i wasn’t planning on being this old, but the earth kept egging me on. and on. it told me “hey, you know there really is no … Continue reading
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Tagged age, earth, email, old, plan, plan making, shrug, skills, time, young
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The Lost Pedestrian 