Monthly Archives: December 2012

dinner music

Posted on December 30, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

i can’t seem to break free. i can see the walls. i can feel them. but i can’t penetrate. i wait for things to happen instead of making them happen. that’s certainly no way to penetrate a wall. or so … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged container, danger, dinner conversation, disappointment, expectation, hurt, lid, penetration, proper, walls | Leave a comment

the guest issue

Posted on December 27, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

Something I must finally admit to myself is that–when traveling–I really can’t stand being a guest. I’m just not very good at it. I can’t shed the self-consciousness, that sense of always being in the way, that sense of disrupting … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged generosity, guest, hosts, hotels, intruder, NYC, self-consciousness | Leave a comment

the problem with me being me is me

Posted on December 23, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

i feel awkward writing about the same things over and over again. it’s just that when i think of something different, I forget to write it down. or else i dream it and forget to write it down. so i … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged decisions, dreams, friends, hermetic, invitations, memory, obligation, repetition, terror, tradition, XMAS | Leave a comment

more lost hours

Posted on December 21, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

it took me 2.5 hours at the Museum of Contemporary Art gift shop to walk in circles and not be able to decide on any gifts for anybody. except for a jellyfish lamp for the son of a friend of … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged dorks, fruit, gifts, hats, jellyfish, Museum of Contemporary Art, Patagonia | Leave a comment

the surge

Posted on December 20, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

a moment turned into a night of staring at this screen, waiting for things to unfold, but not taking any concrete action. a surge of energy briefly visited before making a polite exit. i think it’s time to stop waiting … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged bed, energy, goodnight, screen, staring, visited, waiting | Leave a comment

horse drama

Posted on December 19, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

forgive me for having fallen off my horse 6 years ago and forgive me for only just today learning how to re-mount her (my horse). forgive me for having let myself get so misdirected and misled. but i am grateful … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged delusion, forgiveness, future, habitat, horse, present, promenade, solstice, stuck, unknowns | Leave a comment

erroneous

Posted on December 18, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

i don’t know what it is about me that can’t accept any decision i make, that constantly, voraciously questions the choices i make. as soon as i reach 1 decision, i see only calamity and doom. while the choice i … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged choice, confidence, decision, doom, faith, fear, guilt, happiness, shame, trepidation, trust | Leave a comment

the wrong words

Posted on December 17, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

the world has been in places where i have not been, of late. everyone around me is singing songs i have never heard of, in unison. i don’t know how they memorize all of those words. and then they tell … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged choir, future, lyrics, songs, time, unfunny, unison, words, writing | Leave a comment

the wrong car

Posted on December 13, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

feeling out of sorts these post-surgical days. my voice is stronger than ever, even boomy… it’s kind of miraculous. but as with the previous 11 surgeries since my mishap of 2008, it’s always the rebound from the anesthetics that feels … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged anesthetics, bubble, cars, dating sites, dry cleaners, friction, injury, kayak, mishap, OkCupid, omen, passage, roof rack, rug, shamanic death, stamina, surgery, voice | Leave a comment

chemistry set

Posted on December 12, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

this is not really a post. this is just a warm-up for a post because i feel so out of practice since last week, when I foolishly mistook my macbook pro for a hydrangea plant, badly in need of hydration. what … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged buoyant, chemistry, finances, hydragenea, Macbook, vocal cord paralysis | 1 Comment

stillness earth active passive meaning hope

Posted on December 7, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

the day the earth stood still that’s how i would like to describe tomorrow a day of stillness stillness, i could use a day such as that but not a passive stillness. nor an aggressive stillness. that’s really not what … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged active, earth, hope, meaning, passive, stillness | Leave a comment

what repetition?

Posted on December 6, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

i seem to have these recurring issues (which might not come as a surprise to anyone who has read more than one posting on this blog). one of the recurring issues which i may not have mentioned is my incapacity … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged blog, decisions, exaltation, issues, new city, old city, panic, repetition | Leave a comment

jolt

Posted on December 5, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

it turns out yesterday’s episode of paranoia may only have been paranoia. more like a case of reverse narcissism. but more on that for another blog post. sometimes it just feels too dangerous to hope for things. so you get into … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged babble, dangerous, flight, habit, hope, Icarus, landing, narcissism, paranoia | Leave a comment

robot hypnotists

Posted on December 4, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

embedded with paranoia today. everyday for the past 6 months, a debt collector has been leaving me hypnotic robotic voice mails. and potential employers are running background checks on me, while others withdraw in secret. and un-identified lawyers are viewing … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged background checks, dark forces, debt collector, details, lawyers, robots, sorry | Leave a comment

without me

Posted on December 3, 2012 by The Lost Pedestrian

Sometimes all it takes is one person or maybe or 2 or 3, but not more than that to feel uplifted and connected. Sometimes all it takes is maybe 2 or 3 seconds out of 24 hours for everything to … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged complacence, conundrum, flash, help, hours, laziness, person, seconds, sometimes | Leave a comment