I have not thought any thoughts lately that I would willingly think or express or communicate.

If what I was thinking truly were thoughts … well, does a worry count as a thought. Because I have millions of those. I keep churning them out and I will keep churning them out until it feels like a good time to stop.

Thing is, it always feels like a good time to stop. But I worry. I worry that if I stop worrying that will mean I no longer exist which is really something to worry about. I am not prepared for non-existence. Not in the least

that lack of preparation is at least as worrisome as the non-existence that worries me.

I am not prepared. And I willingly will remain unprepared. Even if it sometimes feels as if I have lost any will at all. But please don’t tell anyone I said that. Not that I’m worried about what they will think because I have no control over that.

But I do have control over finding other things to worry about in my remaining days of non-non-existance.