i don’t know what it is about me that can’t accept any decision i make, that constantly, voraciously questions the choices i make. as soon as i reach 1 decision, i see only calamity and doom. while the choice i did not make arises from calamity and doom to a state of splendor and exaltation. i can’t allow myself to be happy. i don’t know what it’s like to not feel turmoil.

i wish i could just for one moment allow myself to celebrate something instead of always, always feeling erroneous, incomplete, that i am selling myself short and caving into habits i am too fearful to break out of.

if i could just, for one moment, trust myself, to be able to make a decision that is not immediately assaulted by fear, shame, guilt and trepidation. i wonder what it would feel like to be like someone who can think clearly and have faith and confidence in their decisions and actions. i bet it would be more fun.

About The Lost Pedestrian

In my wanderings throughout the moments/days/years, I try in earnest to find the mystical within the mundane and the mundane within the mystical, oftentimes confusing one from the other. I have wandered and roamed through many a city, many a town, in a state of wonder and bewilderment, without necessarily going anywhere. I am easily lost, but eventually found. (I am guessing you have just found me). My sincere hope is that you will find Something in this warehouse of thought, memory and false memory, words, numbers, tangents, murmurs, echoes (lots and lots of echoes), voices, dreams, and other paraphernalia.
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