the world has been in places where i have not been, of late. everyone around me is singing songs i have never heard of, in unison. i don’t know how they memorize all of those words.

and then they tell me that the songs remind them of me. of my songs. and i have not the remotest idea of what they mean. like tonight, at my friend C’s choral concert–the choir performed a suite of what (to me) were embarrassingly unfunny songs that were trying so very hard to be funny…. and the audience really liked them, but i could barely sit through them. And they reminded my friends of me… and somehow they memorized all of those words. but i could never have written any of them. but people seemed to think i had written them, or words to that effect.

everything is moving too quickly, either claustrophobically close, or spiraling way beyond my outstretched hands. i can’t seem to catch up to anything. i’m running on a different clock, in a different time zone. and i don’t understand the words. or how people can memorize them. i can’t understand why it’s so hard these days.

i keep calling upon more and more people to read my future and tell me where i am supposed to be. i’m spending so much time reading other people’s readings of me and trying to decipher them all, i barely have enough time to unravel myself.