where i am

when i look back upon my blog posts, it pains me to notice how repetitive i can be… writing the same things over and over again using different words in different combinations … but always always the same things. such as my issues with decision making. i write on and on about decisions and my clumsiness in making them.

so i really don’t have anything to add to that, but i feel compelled to say that this most recent decision i have made on where i will work and where i will live, this feels like it might be near the top of my all-time worst decisions… maybe my most disastrous. i think i did all sorts of contortions to justify staying here, in this city i have always wanted to leave. i somehow convinced myself that it would be easier for me to start a new life in a familiar place rather than an unfamiliar one. after all, one packs one’s baggage wherever one goes.

i let all sorts of things sway me into thinking that this is where i should be. i relied upon opinions and insights of various friends and family who could not imagine me being anywhere else because this is where i have always been and they could not imagine this place without me, nor could they imagine me outside this place.

i do not blame them, of course. but i do sort of blame myself for not having the inner strength, resolve and courage to make the real actual changes that i have been pining away for, for years and years. i was on the precipice of it, and i like totally crumbled, cowered, congealed, caved in… and i guess you can say, imploded …  and now i am paying the price.

so now what should i do?

About The Lost Pedestrian

In my wanderings throughout the moments/days/years, I try in earnest to find the mystical within the mundane and the mundane within the mystical, oftentimes confusing one from the other. I have wandered and roamed through many a city, many a town, in a state of wonder and bewilderment, without necessarily going anywhere. I am easily lost, but eventually found. (I am guessing you have just found me). My sincere hope is that you will find Something in this warehouse of thought, memory and false memory, words, numbers, tangents, murmurs, echoes (lots and lots of echoes), voices, dreams, and other paraphernalia.
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