these disorienting days trying to orient myself to my new full-time work schedule with this new job. the rush to the trains. the rush back from lunch. the rush to the trains. the gym. the shower. the bed.

in between moments of shock and panic, i remember that the reason i stayed in this city was to start life anew. i know it’s been less than 3 weeks on the job, but i am impatient and a bit worried that i have not affected much change at all. it’s almost as if i am grasping to reclaim routines.  other than trying, trying really trying to fall asleep before midnight. but i hear that people do that all of the time. it’s incredible.

i’m feeling not much of anything today. gliding through emptiness on a full stomach. detached.