pretend harder

i’ve been trying to figure out why i am so bad at work or work-related presentations–and why they feel so different than performing.

is it because i feel like i am being scrutinized and judged based upon criteria that have nothing to do with me, by people who would not necessarily be my friends?

still, i don’t quite get it. i am at least as nervous, if not more so, when i am staging a performance (even when i am not in the performance). but something else happens in one setting that doesn’t happen in the other.

i guess there are certain qualities that work in a performance that don’t necessarily translate well in “professional settings”

such as

tremoring or trembling or stammering or stuttering or a voice that goes completely hoarse, or a memory that goes completely blank. performance audiences seem to like those signs of authenticity, of human-ness.

so when any of those things happen, i don’t feel that sense of impending catastrophe, of things beginning to fall completely apart. i might get rattled, but somehow i am much better at thinking on my feet.

i wish i could just pretend that a presentation is a form of performance art. i mean, i try to pretend. at least i think i try to pretend. maybe i just need to pretend harder. imagine harder. maybe imagine to pretend harder.

About The Lost Pedestrian

In my wanderings throughout the moments/days/years, I try in earnest to find the mystical within the mundane and the mundane within the mystical, oftentimes confusing one from the other. I have wandered and roamed through many a city, many a town, in a state of wonder and bewilderment, without necessarily going anywhere. I am easily lost, but eventually found. (I am guessing you have just found me). My sincere hope is that you will find Something in this warehouse of thought, memory and false memory, words, numbers, tangents, murmurs, echoes (lots and lots of echoes), voices, dreams, and other paraphernalia.
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