i just finished reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, which i didn’t think i would like at first because the first few chapters had that cute/clever feel that turns me off of so much contemporary American fiction, and leads me back to dead authors–but then the last 100 pages of this book were amazing.

for example, page 236. i hope you don’t mind if i read to you.

“Now that mine is almost over, I can say that the one thing that struck me most about life is the capacity for change. One day you’re a person and the next day they tell you you’re a dog. At first it’s hard to bear, but after a while you learn not to look at it as a loss. There’s even a moment when it becomes exhilarating to realize just how little needs to stay the same for you to continue the effort they call, for lack of a better word, being human.”

i’m not quite sure why, but i almost started crying after i read that.

what held me back? it wasn’t like there was anyone else in the room. no reason to feel self-conscious. what holds a person back? it’s not genetics or the humidity or humility or vacuity or anything else. it’s all about that delusional creature who goes by the name of “ego.”

but still, large parts of me were crying, but i just could not manifest it physically.

and then the world changed. i could feel it everywhere. but to really feel it fully, you have to not be online and you have to read the pages before and after page 236.

i’m grateful to my sister for recommending this to her daughter who is coincidentally my niece who happened to almost recommend it to me.