another predicament. i really truly want to get my writing out there in the world, but i fear if i lose my anonymity, i may lose my job, lose my friends, hurt certain members of my family. this blog could spell the end of me. but perhaps that is what i need to get my work out there. not that i want things to end. but somehow there must be a way to break through this anonymity and claim authorship. because it feels like it’s holding me back.

even though it would not bother me if it impacted my job. except that my job provides health insurance that pays for the therapist i see twice per week to complain about my job. but that’s all i want to say about that.

i feel like there is some hidden blockage that doesn’t allow me to fully connect. there’s something lacking and i think its causing more damage than the anonymity or non-anonymity of my blog could ever cause. it’s like there’s a blemish but i can’t figure out where it is. maybe it’s in my credit rating. maybe i should run a credit report on myself. maybe that will reveal the secret of everything…  and then l will be delivered.