i am perpetually amazed, stunned if you want to know the truth, at how atrophied my powers of mindful wishful thinking have become. i’m trying everything. chanting. praying. lighting incense. fasting for a week. visualizing.  gazing at the sky. laying on the grass while staring at the sky. fixating on the lake. re-collecting. writing by hand. writing by keyboard. reading your messages, looking for codes.  re-reading my messages. re-re-reading your messages and finding the codes are no longer there, or perhaps someone has encrypted them. i’m at a complete loss as to what to do next. i guess i could say i am flummoxed.

there must be something i am leaving out. some sort of action i haven’t yet enacted. a strategy not yet concocted. because nothing i am doing seems to reach you. and this is inconceivably mystifying to me. i swear, this has never happened before. except maybe 2 or 3 times, and none of them were really my fault.  i can’t make sense of this. i guess i would say i am flummoxed, if i hadn’t already said it. which only shows how atrophied the powers i thought I once had now are. i am failing to manifest something tangible. which is a real problem.