Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian

I don’t understand why dusk goes by so quickly these days. I am dusk-deprived. What else don’t I understand? Why am I always 32 years late for everything? It doesn’t seem fair. It’s not fair that i am the oldest … Continue reading →

I am trying my best to distract myself from the fear that the world is closing in on me. But then when I turn away from that fear to look at the world outside of me, another fear emerges that … Continue reading →

In my dream early this morning, I had an appointment with my hepatologist to discuss the results of my MRI. She said that they found something wrong with my pituitary gland and that things would begin to deteriorate in the … Continue reading →

A friend who has always struggled to find work came up with a brilliant idea to support herself, or semi-support herself. She is going to be a professional listener. I was not aware there was such a thing, but apparently … Continue reading →

I can’t believe the heat that I am sitting in. All of these people wandering in the heat with their beer cans and bottles, without masks. How foreign they seem to me. It makes me want to grab a beer … Continue reading →

Falling asleep has gotten more difficult lately. I’m not quite sure why. My body gets more restless as the hours pass by. Like there is some sort of vibrating coil deep within. Drugs can sometimes tame it. Sex would be … Continue reading →

Today was a continuation of nothing. Or it’s all one nothing that we break up into fragments of time that are much more graspable to our comprehension. By ‘we,’ I am referring to me. I graduated from crutches to cane. … Continue reading →

When was the last time you felt something? I feel fear and guilt just about all of the time. OK, when was the last time you felt something other than fear and guilt? Hmmmmmm Would you like more time to … Continue reading →

I don’t know how it happened this way. Why it happened this way. But I managed to live a life without really living it. And now it’s almost over. Maybe it’s just my pandemic mindset. But I have lived so … Continue reading →

Last night, I dreamt I was locked up in a minimum security prison for a petty crime of which I cannot recall. It may have been accidental theft (perhaps walking out of Whole Foods forgetting to pay for something). The … Continue reading →

I work in an open office environment. I find the whole open office concept to be a bit disconcerting. It’s like sharing a tiny studio apartment with the same 78 people every day. Or like hosting guests in my studio … Continue reading →

Between job insecurity hip replacement surgery and coronavirus, not much new to report. It’s all been reported. If it were not for C’s text messages throughout, I would barely know I even exist. And I still do not see any … Continue reading →

The day shift has ended and with it comes the night of wrestling with uncertainty that I am not at all comfortable with. It makes me queasy. So many things. So many many things to ponder. Mostly related to my … Continue reading →