Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian

I don’t know how it happened this way. Why it happened this way. But I managed to live a life without really living it. And now it’s almost over. Maybe it’s just my pandemic mindset. But I have lived so … Continue reading →

Last night, I dreamt I was locked up in a minimum security prison for a petty crime of which I cannot recall. It may have been accidental theft (perhaps walking out of Whole Foods forgetting to pay for something). The … Continue reading →

I work in an open office environment. I find the whole open office concept to be a bit disconcerting. It’s like sharing a tiny studio apartment with the same 78 people every day. Or like hosting guests in my studio … Continue reading →

Between job insecurity hip replacement surgery and coronavirus, not much new to report. It’s all been reported. If it were not for C’s text messages throughout, I would barely know I even exist. And I still do not see any … Continue reading →

The day shift has ended and with it comes the night of wrestling with uncertainty that I am not at all comfortable with. It makes me queasy. So many things. So many many things to ponder. Mostly related to my … Continue reading →

A vast field of numbness today. Coupled with bitterness that I feel such numbness. I don’t know who to be angrier at that I find myself in this predicament, going on 5 years now. Why is this happening? Might there … Continue reading →

What are you so afraid of? This fear you have … That people will either discover who you really are Or Never discover who you really are To be truly authentic and present in this world requires accepting and moving … Continue reading →

This afternoon at work, this woman who sits directly opposite me sort of sheepishly walked up to my desk and asked in a hushed tone if I could stop tapping my feet. I acted incredulous (that is, at least I … Continue reading →

I can’t tell you where I’ve been lately because I haven’t the faintest clue. I think I may have been in L.A. But my image of being there is approaching dim. I may have been tango dancing with my new … Continue reading →

I am so sad to see you go. I am not sure what happened You called me to tell you did not want to talk and that I should do all of the talking. I asked if you wanted me … Continue reading →

It’s amazing how a 1 day road trip can shake up one’s consciousness out of the doldrums. That’s kind of what happened when I went to Dia:Beacon and continues 2 days later. Which I didn’t expect. I just met this … Continue reading →

Danbury Connecticut After 3 days of non-decision, I finally decided to take a little road trip to Beacon, NY specifically to visit Dia Beacon which I have not yet seen and who knows how much longer I’ll be out on … Continue reading →

The challenge is quite challenging. Quite. How to fend off abject loneliness and a sense of failure as a human over the holidays. Am I up for the challenge? Sigh. I’m really not sure.