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Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian
aspiration
Each and every day, I want to unearth a mystery. Float over a hurdle. Do something fulfilling in some way. And when that does not happen, I sleep not a wink. I must answer to myself or else I will … Continue reading
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`scribbling
I’ve been reading through old journals hoping to excavate remnants of things that might latch on to remnants of other things. And I read page after page of this barely legible scribbling that is barely legible because at one time … Continue reading
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Morning pages, April 26, 1996
I awakened from a movie dream, a dream about a movie I may have played a part in, or maybe I was only the audience. People in the dream were turning into grotesque and violent ‘aliens’ (as, in aliens from … Continue reading
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Where is Allen? (May 1, 1996)
Seattle, WA I must find out where Allen is. I am not able to accept his death. Being murdered–the violence of writing that word is too much to bear. Inconceivable. Perhaps he overextended his innocence and the world crashed down … Continue reading
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Empty white boxes
Some of us are afraid of empty white boxes. Some of us are afraid of boxes that once were empty but now have been prefilled with all kinds of stuff. Appliances, old CDs, art from ex-lovers, cables for electronics that … Continue reading
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Doglessness
I don’t know why I swear at my computer to the extent that I do. I have a tendency to get impatient with how slow and uncooperative it can be, but I’m not really certain if yelling ‘come on, motherfucker!’ … Continue reading
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Prison sentence
It’s been16 months since I inadvertently walked into the state penitentiary. I thought I was there just for a quick visit. But somehow I ended up staying until I wore out my welcome. The warden called me into his office … Continue reading
Self-help guide
This is too embarrassing to speak about, but speak about it I must. It’s too unfunny not to speak about it. So maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I won’t. There’s certainly no shame in that. Lots of shame everywhere else. When … Continue reading
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Jochebed
Sitting on the train next to a woman talking to herself (or so I thought). I was kind of tuning it out until she started repeating “This boat is so small and the sea is so wide.” My first thought … Continue reading
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eulogy
I should have taken it as a red flag during our conversation when we first met when you asked if i had written my eulogy for my very much still alive mother yet. I thought that was rather peculiar, but … Continue reading
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the one truth
when have I ever lied to you? or shall I ask when have I ever not lied to you? I have been lying to you for so long and so pervasively, that even the most startling rays of truth would … Continue reading
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Good at things
I wish I could be good at things. A lot of people I know are really good at things. And there are lots of things they are good at. Some are good. Some are really good. I wish I could … Continue reading
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a dream i almost had
i was sitting at my computer. it may have been deep within my cubicle at work. it may have been on your balcony overlooking the calm turquoise sea. I was trying to meet a pressing deadline and as the moments … Continue reading
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I was envious of you and not pleased about it. Far from pleased. Very very far from pleased. I wish I could be just as far away from this envy as I am from pleased. Because you write voluminously and … Continue reading
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heart test
She was daring me to play some sort of online word game which I flagrantly resisted, explaining that the only word game I would make time to play is the typing of words into this space. So I should probably … Continue reading
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