today, an epic struggle against the forces of inertia. there are days when I awaken with this indeterminate weight of uncertainty. I eat my oatmeal with protein powder and my banana and swallow my supplements… and then … and then … there’s all of this directionlessness to ward off, which I seem to manage to do, in spite of me being me.
i celebrated Labor Day by finally sorting through 2 mountains of paperwork stranded on my desk. bills, receipts, cryptic post-it notes, more bills, more receipts, pads of paper with notes written to various friends and waitstaff when I could not speak, stretching exercises, knee strengthening exercises, vocal exercises. copies of exercises, membership expiration notices, mysterious credit cards, reminder notes. vast vast clutter and the thought of how to sort through it… well, i spent nearly a year suppressing that thought. But today, I conquered.
I wanted to celebrate but no one was around to help me celebrate it… which I know must sound self-pathetic, but I say that as an objective fact, with no psyche repercussions whatsoever. It was just curious to me how so many people could not be around to celebrate my accomplishment. But I know they will be there eventually.
Early this a.m., another half-awake half-asleep dream about Bob Dylan. He shows up as a regular visitor to wherever I am living in my dream life. We get along quite well. I feel accepted by him. It’s uncanny.