i am not sure why, but i seem to be taking things so literally these days. seeing only what’s in front of me at the moment… or strategizing about decisions i cannot make, like buying shoes or shirts or relocating across the country. it’s nullifying my capacity for abstract thinking. even my dreams and nightmares are literal. reality dreaming.
this morning i dreamed it was the first day at my new job. And my boss was giving me a pop quiz to see if i knew what i was doing… if i had the skills i claimed i had at my job interview (which i do not). And then my friend JC appeared, and she was working there, too. I asked her if she could help me, but she seemed reluctant. i think she told me that i should be able to figure things out, at my salary. even though she was earning $10,000 more. I guess she may have wanted my job. i had never seen her so bitter, or bitter at all.
and then she was helping me pick up a ladder somewhere, i’m not sure where. but we seemed to be in a hurry to take it wherever we were supposed to take it. i think we may have managed to get there.
And when I awakened, i had the sense that one has when awakening from a disturbing nightmare. it all felt so literal. except for why JC was appearing. except for the ladder.
I have no idea why I was bitter, as even $10,000 is close to what I currently earn. Perhaps I was irritated about the ladder being in the way. In our tiny cramped house we have finally, after months and months, cleared a space so that we can fit a nice Yamaha electric piano that I’m going to borrow from a friend, so that I can once again play music and fill my heart with joy. But there is still a ladder in the way. So thanks for helping me move the ladder. Things will be much better for both of us now.