i know this (among many other things) might sound really insecure, but whenever I send out a message–voice or email–to a friend who does not respond, i somehow convince myself that i have said or done something terribly, heinously and unforgivingly wrong. something really really bad and awful.
like yesterday. i sent a friend a glowing review of this performance i did in the ’90s because i thought she’d be curious. and usually she responds within seconds. but since i still have not heard from her, i am reasonably certain she saw it as arrogant and narcissistic. and then if i send her an apology, she’ll think it shows a lack of confidence, which has irritated her in the past. i could simply just not communicate at all until i hear from her. but that might come across as too aloof.
in spite of all of this, the quiet brain reminds me that even if i were arrogant, narcissistic, unconfident, and aloof, there are far worse things one can be or one could have done. it may take decades, but i am certain i will one day be forgiven.