It’s amazing how a 1 day road trip can shake up one’s consciousness out of the doldrums. That’s kind of what happened when I went to Dia:Beacon and continues 2 days later. Which I didn’t expect.

I just met this woman in NYC on Bumble. I asked her if she wanted to ‘chat’ but I meant text chat, not the dreaded phone chat, which is what she thought I meant. And against all of my resistances, against every fiber of my being, I called her. And I immediately liked her. Just her voice alone was worth it. I was clumsy and awkward and there were awkward silences. But we seemed to agree that we should talk again and maybe try to meet.

But then today she sent me a message that she thought the distance was too big a barrier. I replied that I didn’t think that the distance was insurmountable. It’s pretty easy for me to get on a train, especially a train to New York. And she replied that she was taking inventory of her life and realized that she had no need for dating, but she would welcome a friendship. Which comes as no surprise.

I mean it’s become the norm. Not usually over the phone… but usually in person. After a first date, the person I dated has a realization that they need to reassess their lives, or that they realize they have not recovered from the person they had just broken up with. Things to that effect. Or affect.

It’s kind of bewildering and disturbing to think that I have that effect or affect on people. Sometimes they actually do want to pursue a friendship, but sometimes they say they do but it ends up as a ghosted non relationship. I’m not sure what to make of this most recent person.

She watched one of my videos and told me it reminded her of Tarkovsky. Is that a good thing? I don’t think I’ve actually sat through an entire Tarkovsky film. And now that I think of it, I’m not sure if I would want to go out with someone who reminds me of Tarkovsky either. Maybe that’s my problem. I think I am going to have to make myself watch an entire Tarkovsky film just so I can learn what kind of impression not to make with a potential date.