Empty promise

I am so sad to see you go.

I am not sure what happened

You called me to tell you did not want to talk and that I should do all of the talking.

I asked if you wanted me just to talk or to if I should read a story.

You said, “I don’t care.”

But I wasn’t sure what to say because I didn’t have a context for where you were, if you were in your car or in your home. I didn’t even know which city you lived in. Except that you lived in California. I could not tell if you were exhausted, or sick or perfectly fine (as long as you were not required to speak).

So I asked where you lived and you said “California” which you already knew that I knew, with a hint of irritation.

And then you said, “You know, I’m going to get off the phone now.” And you hung up.

And you were gone.

I tried to find you.

I called out to you.

I sent emails.

I sent texts.

I waited and waited for your response.

I tried to figure what went wrong.

Could my asking you where you lived brought about the doom of our relationship?

I guess I was just supposed to talk. Any question was out of bounds.

But how could you not know that talking to a person across the country whom I had never met in person, talking more or less into empty space… how could you not know that I was not known for this sort of thing.

I’m a call and response person.

But now I regret it.

I regret that I did not take you literally.

And when you meant that you did not want to talk, I should have known that this meant you did not want to utter even a single word.

And I violated your needs of the moment.

And now you are gone.

And makes me so sad.

This helpless sadness for a situation for which I have no remedy.

My 3 apology messages were no remedy.

Maybe I was not supposed to apologize either.

Please come back.

I promise I will follow all of your parameters as precisely as possible.

This I can promise you.

Even though you have left and will never receive my promise.

It’s an empty promise. Which is not the same as a broken promise.

About The Lost Pedestrian

In my wanderings throughout the moments/days/years, I try in earnest to find the mystical within the mundane and the mundane within the mystical, oftentimes confusing one from the other. I have wandered and roamed through many a city, many a town, in a state of wonder and bewilderment, without necessarily going anywhere. I am easily lost, but eventually found. (I am guessing you have just found me). My sincere hope is that you will find Something in this warehouse of thought, memory and false memory, words, numbers, tangents, murmurs, echoes (lots and lots of echoes), voices, dreams, and other paraphernalia.
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