I am so sad to see you go.
I am not sure what happened
You called me to tell you did not want to talk and that I should do all of the talking.
I asked if you wanted me just to talk or to if I should read a story.
You said, “I don’t care.”
But I wasn’t sure what to say because I didn’t have a context for where you were, if you were in your car or in your home. I didn’t even know which city you lived in. Except that you lived in California. I could not tell if you were exhausted, or sick or perfectly fine (as long as you were not required to speak).
So I asked where you lived and you said “California” which you already knew that I knew, with a hint of irritation.
And then you said, “You know, I’m going to get off the phone now.” And you hung up.
And you were gone.
I tried to find you.
I called out to you.
I sent emails.
I sent texts.
I waited and waited for your response.
I tried to figure what went wrong.
Could my asking you where you lived brought about the doom of our relationship?
I guess I was just supposed to talk. Any question was out of bounds.
But how could you not know that talking to a person across the country whom I had never met in person, talking more or less into empty space… how could you not know that I was not known for this sort of thing.
I’m a call and response person.
But now I regret it.
I regret that I did not take you literally.
And when you meant that you did not want to talk, I should have known that this meant you did not want to utter even a single word.
And I violated your needs of the moment.
And now you are gone.
And makes me so sad.
This helpless sadness for a situation for which I have no remedy.
My 3 apology messages were no remedy.
Maybe I was not supposed to apologize either.
Please come back.
I promise I will follow all of your parameters as precisely as possible.
This I can promise you.
Even though you have left and will never receive my promise.
It’s an empty promise. Which is not the same as a broken promise.