I am trying to think of something that literally did not happen today. Or it happened, but not literally. And I’m coming up empty. It’s been an empty day. It’s been an empty year, an empty past 4 years. I have bottomed out of emptiness. Literally bottomed out. I didn’t think it would be possible.
The Sabbath is supposed to be the day of rest, but I am not sure if the rest is supposed to involve the vocal cords which have been resting unused all day.
How can I break out of this pattern? Almost 4 years of not breaking out may have done me in. I am at a loss. So lost at a loss. Perhaps if I change the name of this blog, everything will turn around for me. Maybe if I stop writing about loss and lostness, I regain what I have lost and find my way back again.
It’s sort of like the election. Trump has made us all so miserable that one pines to return to the lost world that existed before him. Even if that world was not our favorite. I would give anything to return there. Wouldn’t you?
I find myself sighing a lot. All of the time. I have probably produced more sighs in the past 4 years than I have in my entire almost extinguished life. Today alone, the number of sighs completely dwarf the number of words I have spoken.
Not THAT may have been the most depressing paragraph I have ever written. I don’t know if I could top that.
There’s got to be a way for me to break out this. There’s just got to be. But it’s going to take an intervention. Something beyond me. It may be difficult to find that something that is beyond me if I never leave this apartment.