i should have known this would happen. i should have seen it coming. i knew it could happen, but then i thought who am to know anything? and i should have seen that question coming.

but i knew right away that the very second i described loneliness in a post that I would lose all 3 of my readers. i’ve managed to alienate you all. what can i do to undo the alienation? and why would you trust me to do it? why would you ever trust me again?

it was just an experiment, a tiny experiment to see what it would be like to not pretend i am somebody else. maybe if i stopped trying to be somebody, maybe if i stopped trying to fit in, stopped trying to fit into a world, a sphere, a culture that doesn’t really allow someone like me to fit in.

which leads to the question of where exactly someone like me would fit in? And if such a place exists, how does someone like me get there?

the only answer i can think of at this moment is that … wait, i just forgot what i saying in mid-thought. oh yes, were i to stop trying to fit into the places that would never let someone like me fit in. if i stopped trying, how lighter i would feel. how much less energy would be exhausted. it could be exactly the the uplift i need to take me to that place i do not know how to reach.