i’ve been thinking a lot about the mayor of Chicago. what an odious man he seems to be… odious, as in arrogant, conniving, predatory, egomanical, megalomaniacal, insensitive, duplicitous…  And so unfazed by the fact that so many people find him to be odious and unpleasant.  but pretend compassionate when the cameras are on, like when he visits an inner city grade school.

i guess i don’t understand the psychology and mindset of politicians. how they came to be who they are. just their egos alone. what were their parents like? did they receive an abundance of love and support from their parents who created an environment for egos to blossom and eventually escalate to the Nth degree? maybe they did not receive enough love or approval and they are who they now are to compensate for what was lacking.

what is a healthy ego anyway? i don’t think it is anything a Buddhist would strive to attain.

what I am trying to get at is.. well, if I were in any environment or situation and noticed that not everyone welcomed me, or that i made someone feel uncomfortable, or if even one person disliked me or was critical of me… if it were me, i would want to clear out there pronto.

maybe it’s because i don’t like or don’t know how to handle conflict. or maybe because in the face of conflict, i freeze up rather than take effective action. maybe because negative situations and environments tend to weigh me down more than positive ones. i dwell too much upon them

but none of that seems to matter to the mayor of Chicago. how can he be or appear to be so oblivious? the negativity only seems to spur him on. he thrives upon it, maybe even seeks it out. how does one become a person like that?