the hepatologist  called me to give me the really great news about my biopsy–that I do not have cirrhosis of the liver. the biopsy was completely normal. i was shocked. she went on to explain that the scarring and nodules on my liver remain a mystery. So, just as a precautionary measure they now want to do an endoscopy to make sure that I do not have something called noncirrhotic portal hypertension.

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. But eventually, I said “so wait, the fact that I do not have cirrhosis suggests that I have noncirrhosis? Am I understanding that correctly?” She said it was just a possibility, but the only way to be sure would be through an endoscopy of my gastro-intetestinal infrastructure.

I said, “This doesn’t make any sense at all. Does this mean if you ran any kind of tests for any kind of disease and the tests proved negative, would that prove that I have a non-disease… like non-pneumonia, or non-kidney stones, or non-tonsillitis, or non-leprosy, or non-lyme disease, or non-PTSD, or acid non-reflux? Am I understanding that correctly?”

The hepatologist said this was possible, but unlikely, or at least not more than 1 non-disease at at time.

But what about these portals? As far as I know I only have 7 portals. My 2 eyes. My 2 ears. My 2 nostrils. And my mouth. I don’t detect hypertension in any of them. Or even non-hyper-tension.

The hepatologist replied that although most people consider those to be portals, they are actually gates. The 7 gates. “Everything that passes into your consciousness must enter through one of those gates.”

“So then where are these portals?,” I asked.

“You’ll know when we get there,” she said.

I guess I’ll find out in about 9 nights and 10 days.