I’ve started taking this new supplement, SAM-e, that is supposed to help with with every possible chronic or unchronic ailment and uplift the soul without side effects. i don’t know if it’s coincidental or not, but since i’ve started taking it, i am having really unpleasant vivid dreams.
on the first night, i dreamed that my mother had fallen, but she since does not reveal very much about her health or state of mind, it took me a while to figure out what was going on, and by that time, i was already awake.
on the second night, it’s not entirely clear. i just remember that my oldest sister (with whom i have a rocky relationship) had done or said something majorly embarrassing. i can’t recall the nature of it, other than that it really rattled me. And I couldn’t believe what she had said or done. When I awakened, my first words were “Jeez!”
the third night was the most awful of them all. I was staring at this video screen on the wall, and it was all static noise… like one of those ghost channels from the pre-cable era. And suddenly this image entered the frame… video footage of this cousin who was not really a cousin, but was adopted my mother’s sister and her husband when she was a toddler.
the actual non-dream backstory is really more horrific than the dream and I don’t feel like getting into it… but the short version is that she ended up in a juvenile delinquent home, and when they released her, she murdered her parents. In my dream, the video was super-8 footage of her as a crazed hyper-active 4-year old. Somewhere in the midst of this, I awakened, in terror, and walked around the apartment to shake it off, but when I returned to sleep, the dream continued. This time I was in an apartment (not sure where), and I was with friends (not sure who). And I heard knocking at the door. I was terrified because I was convinced that this was my non-cousin cousin trying to break in. But fortunately, my very large mastiff was guarding the door and woofing loudly. When I awakened, I thanked the stars for my dog.
But the nightmare haunted me through most of the morning, eventually dissipating during my job interview.
And now that I think about it, the dream wasn’t even that original. It was really just a re-make of the Hollywood re-make of the Japanese horror movie, The Ring.
i have to admit, it is extremely not pleasant to write about nightmares. but perhaps it serves some purpose. in my childhood through high school, i had a recurring nightmare that involved me being followed and trying to run away from kidnappers. in front of the school, on neighborhood streets, in front of Dunkin’ Donuts, it could happen anywhere. i tried to recreate the dream, or a very similar scenario to that dream, in the first film i made in college. And ever since then, the dream has never returned.
but last night’s dream with the non-cousin had very similar qualities.