i have this strange mix of dread and excitement about my job interview trip to the west coast that happens on Saturday.

an excitement about the possibility of being out there in the clear open sky (in denial of my skin cancer) and all of the possibilities for a much hoped for restart of life.

a dread of the 12 hour interview experience. they sent me the schedule and i cannot imagine how i can possibly make it through. so many many many committees, such a long presentation, and more committees and individual meetings. i’m actually looking forward to the fingerprinting part of my interview day. that makes me hopeful. i feel hope.

i am trying to keep myself sane, but i am driving myself insane because i can’t figure out whether i should prepare myself to be ready to anticipate Everything. Or just succumb because it might be futile to anticipate anything–and too much preparation might deplete my ability to think on my feet, so to speak. to think in anybody’s feet. if that made any sense at all.

this must be really boring to read. a voice is telling me to stop now.