somehow i gravitate between fears of the known and fears of the unknown. it’s hard to decide between them. especially when no one is around to give me clear guidance, maybe except for you. i try to imagine which way you would go and how you would get there. and then i’d wonder, why can’t it be as easy for me as it is for you? And then you might say, “stop comparing yourself to everybody. i hate when you do that.”
And then I’d say, “but I can’t help it. I wish i could, but I can’t.”
And then we’d each exhale.
Minutes would go by, until I finally ask “is it ok if we change the subject?”
And you might reply, “I can’t even remember what we were talking about.”
Neither could I.