but first, i must apologize for venting bitterness in my previous post. as far as i can see, it did not serve either of us very well, and for that, I can only call upon your forgiveness.

and second, i think i just saw 2 flashes of lightning out my window. i’m not sure what else to call them.

and third. it is my friends who keep me buoyant and alive and able to see things out my window. it is my pretend friends who obscure things.

fourth. i sigh.

and then fifth. my emotional state and psyche have traveled from a to z and back again for most of tonight. the things that worried and upset me yesterday suddenly surfaced from nowhere out of a seemingly tranquil day…. this all happening while i waited 45 minutes for the bus to take me home.

and sixth. while i was waiting, i kept thinking i should go down to the train instead, but i thought that this would be ridiculous because it would then completely negate all those peak and valley moments i experienced while waiting for the bus. there must have been a reason i was waiting so long and if i didn’t stay to discover that reason… i dare not even finish that thought

finally, seventh. i wish the edgy darkness inside me would recede.