a peculiar moment on my way to work, even for me. I somehow managed to stumble on the flat sidewalk, falling straight on my face, breaking the further collapse of my body onto the pavement with my wrists. my nose also helped shield blow.
At least 4 people stopped to ask me if I was ok, but it’s such a humiliating moment. it doesn’t occur to me until now, how many good samaritans are out there. i just don’t expect that in this staid Midwestern city. i can imagine it more in NYC. but there they were, at least 4 of them.
now i sit out here at a public service desk, trying to will my mouth to stop bleeding and hoping that if i keep typing, this will convince me that my wrist is not fractured.
but the real mystery is where i was when I fell… in terms of where my mind was. i certainly didn’t feel very present, and in moments of non-vigilance, i seem to be accident prone.
i may have been reeling from the hurt of receiving a rejection for a job at a school where I thought I would at least get an interview, especially since i knew at least 3 people on the staff (and i thought they liked me, but maybe they only like me from a distance), especially since I completed my MFA there, taught there, interned there, had a multitude of references employed there. i think what happened was i got lost in bitter rumination, which i now know is a set-up for stumbling flat on your face at State and Jackson. bitterness has never served me well.