Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian

I can’t believe the heat that I am sitting in. All of these people wandering in the heat with their beer cans and bottles, without masks. How foreign they seem to me. It makes me want to grab a beer … Continue reading →

Falling asleep has gotten more difficult lately. I’m not quite sure why. My body gets more restless as the hours pass by. Like there is some sort of vibrating coil deep within. Drugs can sometimes tame it. Sex would be … Continue reading →

Today was a continuation of nothing. Or it’s all one nothing that we break up into fragments of time that are much more graspable to our comprehension. By ‘we,’ I am referring to me. I graduated from crutches to cane. … Continue reading →

When was the last time you felt something? I feel fear and guilt just about all of the time. OK, when was the last time you felt something other than fear and guilt? Hmmmmmm Would you like more time to … Continue reading →

I don’t know how it happened this way. Why it happened this way. But I managed to live a life without really living it. And now it’s almost over. Maybe it’s just my pandemic mindset. But I have lived so … Continue reading →

Last night, I dreamt I was locked up in a minimum security prison for a petty crime of which I cannot recall. It may have been accidental theft (perhaps walking out of Whole Foods forgetting to pay for something). The … Continue reading →

I work in an open office environment. I find the whole open office concept to be a bit disconcerting. It’s like sharing a tiny studio apartment with the same 78 people every day. Or like hosting guests in my studio … Continue reading →

Between job insecurity hip replacement surgery and coronavirus, not much new to report. It’s all been reported. If it were not for C’s text messages throughout, I would barely know I even exist. And I still do not see any … Continue reading →

The day shift has ended and with it comes the night of wrestling with uncertainty that I am not at all comfortable with. It makes me queasy. So many things. So many many things to ponder. Mostly related to my … Continue reading →

A vast field of numbness today. Coupled with bitterness that I feel such numbness. I don’t know who to be angrier at that I find myself in this predicament, going on 5 years now. Why is this happening? Might there … Continue reading →

What are you so afraid of? This fear you have … That people will either discover who you really are Or Never discover who you really are To be truly authentic and present in this world requires accepting and moving … Continue reading →

This afternoon at work, this woman who sits directly opposite me sort of sheepishly walked up to my desk and asked in a hushed tone if I could stop tapping my feet. I acted incredulous (that is, at least I … Continue reading →

I can’t tell you where I’ve been lately because I haven’t the faintest clue. I think I may have been in L.A. But my image of being there is approaching dim. I may have been tango dancing with my new … Continue reading →

I am so sad to see you go. I am not sure what happened You called me to tell you did not want to talk and that I should do all of the talking. I asked if you wanted me … Continue reading →