A vast field of numbness today. Coupled with bitterness that I feel such numbness. I don’t know who to be angrier at that I find myself in this predicament, going on 5 years now.

Why is this happening? Might there be divine/cosmic forces working against me for some unforgivable transgression I committed who knows when. At birth perhaps? Might it have something to do with my selfishness? My cowardice? My selfish cowardice? And when did these forces first take offense? I wish I could pinpoint the day. But even if I could, I don’t think that would help me in my quest for redemption.

If I could ask for one thing for my next birthday, I would for redemption. But is the asking for that another indicator of selfishness for which there may be no redemption?

It’s just so frustrating, trying to figure out where I stumbled and not figure out how to pick myself back up again. But when I call out to the cosmos to ask help (because I can’t do it alone), I get the sense that I am not on the top of their priority list.

About The Lost Pedestrian

In my wanderings throughout the moments/days/years, I try in earnest to find the mystical within the mundane and the mundane within the mystical, oftentimes confusing one from the other. I have wandered and roamed through many a city, many a town, in a state of wonder and bewilderment, without necessarily going anywhere. I am easily lost, but eventually found. (I am guessing you have just found me). My sincere hope is that you will find Something in this warehouse of thought, memory and false memory, words, numbers, tangents, murmurs, echoes (lots and lots of echoes), voices, dreams, and other paraphernalia.
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