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Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian
time has ceased not to pass
“my time is the time i am living right now and even if i like the world less and less – with good reason – it is mine, absolutely. No retirement, no retreat. I don’t know what it means to … Continue reading
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15
i feel like a cement mixer or an ostrich peddler or a scar eraser or a dry eraser or a gymnest teetering on/off a balance beam the day falls indefinitely upon me and i feel its weight sometimes i cave into … Continue reading
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Tagged cognitive behavioral therapy, fatigue, gymnest, insomnia, ostrich, sleep diary, sleepiness, weight
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very very rough draft
i am adapting one of my videos for live performance. i have no idea how well this is going to work. i may regret it. but here’s where i am so far. A Hi B Hello A I didn’t think … Continue reading
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mounting evidence
I’ve spent most of the weekend reading the latest medical/psychiatric journals, peer-reviewed, and there is mounting evidence within the community of the health benefits of memory loss. Recent experiments demonstrate that too much memory can lower stamina, hinder consciousness, increase the incidence … Continue reading
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my situation
I’m sitting here, in the last hour of my workday. I have not spoken to a single sentient being since the weekend, although I’ve exchanged quite a few words with 20-something males. My workplace is a very testosterone-infused, fraternity-like culture. What … Continue reading
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Tagged bind, bound, change, coincidence, I, males, me, possess, self, situation, universe, We, workday
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waterproofing
winter is almost here, they tell me. i don’t think i am as certain of this as they are. but hearing them speak is a subtle reminder that this year, i should not forgot to waterproof my outer shell, while also … Continue reading
the right moment
this friend i had very very briefly, very briefly dated, like maybe once, but we became better friends, casually mentioned her “new boyfriend,” completely out of context, before we ended our phone conversation. then a few minutes later she called … Continue reading
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turkey in the straw
i’m in huge trouble. you might say, a world of trouble. although i’ve been feeling that it might be time to accept that i don’t have another performance in me, i submitted a proposal to stage a performance at a “fringe” theater … Continue reading
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Tagged middle-age, performance, piano, relocation, theater, turkey in the straw
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likable enough
what makes a person likable? or likable enough? maybe this all has to do with election season and politicians. i keep zeroing in on 1 particular moment during the democratic primaries in 2008(?), I think… when Obama was debating Hillary … Continue reading
noncirrhosis
the hepatologist called me to give me the really great news about my biopsy–that I do not have cirrhosis of the liver. the biopsy was completely normal. i was shocked. she went on to explain that the scarring and nodules on my … Continue reading
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Tagged cirrohsis, consciousness, gates, hepatologist, noncirrhosis, portals
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waiting. still waiting. actually not very still waiting. i wish i knew what will happen next. everything is so unsettled and up in the air. i am so used to uncertainty, although i’ve never gotten comfortable with it, but this time around, i’ve … Continue reading
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Vocal rest (1)
A few years ago, following a vocal cord surgery, I was not allowed to speak for 2 weeks. Fortunately my friend C was kind enough to meet me at café, and patient enough to collaborate with me in typing out our conversation … Continue reading
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the wrong person
and then I received another message from that dating site I am on, but only as a very passive subscriber waiting for someone with whom I might have an affinity to miraculously emerge and discover me, which i guess is … Continue reading
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courtesy call
for over 16 weeks now, someone has been calling me at least twice a day, leaving messages that first disturbed me, frightened me because the only sound i could make out was heavy breathing. but today i noticed other ambient … Continue reading
Today was The Feast of Remembrance. and tomorrow is The Feast of Forgetfulness. this year I am celebrating them both. thus i have spoken. thus i make it so. This the time when my petty grievances will turn to dust. they say … Continue reading
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