this post has been deleted due to excessive negativity.
over Thanksgiving weekend, the thought finally occurred to me that there are so many other ways to be treated rudely besides being with family. But then I felt awful and guilty about saying it. Just because they never ask you how you’re doing, what you’re doing, or they walk out of rooms in mid-conversation, or if you ask them questions, they say “I don’t really want to talk about it” and then they walk out of the room, or they don’t talk to you at all because their focus is on their laptops and playing solitaire or buying or selling things or texting. But then, when non-family members are visiting, they are suddenly transformed, and are engaged and entertaining and caring and fun. They take on entirely new personalities. but then, when I returned to work today… I usually can get away with arriving for work 2 hours late and then I usually stay 2 hours late, but I never tell anyone or ask for permission. But today, when I arrived late, the first person that greeted me was one of the faculty who told me that students and faculty were complaining about my late arrivals. Which mystified me because I’m here most of the day and I never see anyone. And why are they not speaking to me directly, instead of through this faculty member who only talks to me when she has a complaint? And it’s all so scary because I am passive aggressively doing my best to get fired. But then I fear what that might lead to… and it’s December and cold and not the best time to be homeless. And that led me to think of my family with an invigorated love and appreciation. And you know, I really hate being negative. This is my final negative post.