I’m sitting here, in the last hour of my workday. I have not spoken to a single sentient being since the weekend, although I’ve exchanged quite a few words with 20-something males. My workplace is a very testosterone-infused, fraternity-like culture. What forces of the Universe could have conspired to bring me to this place? It reminds me of high school gym … how degraded i felt around the jocks, until I became well-skilled in the art of avoiding them … but now they all want to friend me on Facebook.
But in the workplace, there are fewer sanctuaries. Which is why I’ve spent the better part of the past 3 minutes trying to figure out what I can do to change my situation. But I didn’t get very far. the more I thought about it, the more perplexed I became. I could feel, from deep within, things becoming more and more perplexing with each passing breath.
Just to start, I could not figure out what i meant by “I.” Did I really mean “we,” but it came out as “I”? Does “I” refer to a self? Isn’t the notion of self the opposite of everything I strive for? And if there is an “I,” does this “I” really have my true interests at heart?
And what about “change?” How can I really change anything when I don’t believe in an “I”? Although I do believe in change. I can only assume that change occurs with or without me. If I am there at the moment a change occurs, it can only be explained as coincidence. And, of course, there is no such thing as a coincidence.
And then there’s my situation, which at this point, feels completely unfathomable. Something expressed as “my situation” suggests I am trying to claim a situation as mine, which sounds very possessive. When I think of a situation, I think of something that has a beginning and a middle, and, in certain situations, an end. But can a situation be bounded by space and time? A situation is certainly not bound to me. So it really isn’t my situation.