sort of a continuation of my previous nothing session. inane characters I have seen on inane Netflix series interpreting my half dream thoughts
so strange that I am thinking of material things and inane TV/movies I have seen more than art or creative or sex or relationships
Rather scary actually
tonight’s sad basketball game
wondering if my not totally cutting off J from my world is inhibiting me from opening it up to other people. Or maybe the universe will not allow that to happen until I really truly cut things off.
this 3 year old Bracco Italiano that might be for sale
maybe it would be a wiser move to adopt a 3 year old dog than buy an 8 week old puppy
fighting off sleepiness. heavy heavy sleepiness.
the effort required to fend off falling to sleep is definitely doing something
But if i let myself fall asleep, i will miss the entire experience of nothing or attempting nothing
Glass Onion. Both the movie and The Beatles Song
The end of the song Glass Onion, with the string quartet. what could be more brilliant?
the art that could be on the wall
the wrinkles in the sofa
dread of work tomorrow
my haircut. whether I should tell the hair stylist to text me if she is running late, or whether that would be rude.
remembering to subtract the cost of the haircut from my budget
should I or should I not buy those boots
Thursday night with Barrie. I feel this pressure to be working on something or have enough entertaining things to say to get me through a dinner
the dishes that await me
the lack of sex drive
the fear of losing the spark. any kind of spark
the pounds i have added to my body and wondering if and how long it will take to shed them
Ada and Ariel and Sayward and Ryan and our artist group that once was and how I miss them all and wonder if anyone will take the initiative to bring us back together because when I tried to bring us together, it did not work so well.
the shame over the poundage
my butt beginning to hurt from sitting so much today
should I shave tonight or tomorrow?
the itch in my eye. at least it’s the left eye and not the right eye, which I am not allowed to itch
when will my glasses be delivered? I keep forgetting to check the tracking number.
My landlord and what she might be wondering about the very large box I have placed in the hallway clearly labeled with a dog crate even though I have not officially told her I am getting a dog.
But I am not deceiving my landlord since at this moment there is still no dog
So strange to be so preoccupied with dog and weight and The Beatles and the unfinished novel I’ve been reading for at least 6 months and all of the series and movies and all of the characters inhabiting them and fighting off sleep while never being able to sleep when I want to.
And that spark? Where did it go?