I must find out where Allen is. I am not able to accept his death. Being murdered–the violence of writing that word is too much to bear. Inconceivable.
Perhaps he overextended his innocence and the world crashed down upon him.
Perhaps he truly escaped from reality and eluded us all.
Wherever he is could be unthinkable and mortifying.
Or perhaps it was unthinkable and mortifying, but then it stopped.
And he is gone.