when have I ever lied to you? or shall I ask when have I ever not lied to you? I have been lying to you for so long and so pervasively, that even the most startling rays of truth would feel like lies. damn lies. lies that deserve to be damned. eternal damnation.

why do I lie to you? to keep the fantasy alive. to keep it buoyant and floating on air. Or bobbing with the current of the sea. the fantasy has to stay alive or else one of us or possibly both of us will cease to exist in material form. To prolong the reality from setting in and destroying everything we have pretended to build for as long as humanly possible. Because if you abandon the fantasy, you abandon me and the one truth I am aware of is that abandonment is not very appealing to either of us. So why should we put ourselves through the ordeal of abandoning the fantasy that is us? It just doesn’t seem worth it.

The best lies are the ones that are so prolonged, they leave precious little time for even a momentary moment of truth, if there is such a thing.

I am playing with words instead of getting to the heart of the matter which is to tell you that I have been lying to you for at least 3 months. Not only that, but leading you on with more and more lies to protect you and shield you from the hurt I anticipate you will feel the very moment I shed light on the truth I have been hiding for well over 3 months. Why am I doing this? Why can’t I stop? What kind of person does this kind of thing and does not stop? You would probably not want to meet that kind of person.

We have such precious little time to meet anyone and here you have invested a large percentile of the precious little time we have left, invested it in exactly the wrong person. this wrong person who has taken away so much of your life, for what exactly?

Perhaps it’s best not to know, Why even ask?