i was sitting at my computer. it may have been deep within my cubicle at work. it may have been on your balcony overlooking the calm turquoise sea. I was trying to meet a pressing deadline and as the moments passed and the clock was running out, I felt increasing panic over the deadline I was about to miss. And I began to consider the possible consequences of this failed assignment.

Which is when you appeared, serving a platter of assorted cheeses (gouda, white cheddar, swiss, brie, goat, havarti) and crackers (Wheat thins, saltines, Ritz, Triscuit, Goldfish, matzoh). I was so happy to see them and to see you. I could not decide which I was most happy to see. So I said, ‘thank you, but i’m not really in the mood.’ And you said, ‘mood for what?’ And I said, ‘you know, i’m not really sure.’ You walked away. And I found myself staring at the computer again, wondering why and how I managed to do the opposite of expressing the happiness I felt when you appeared. It’s no wonder you stopped being visible.

I returned to working at the computer which was now situated in an alley, in between a few dumpsters. Maybe this is what happens to people who miss deadlines and cannot adequately express themselves. But somehow I felt at peace. It was so quiet here in this alley, except for the low drone of a passing plane, and 1 or 2 birds chirping from somewhere. From where, I wasn’t sure, because there were no trees in sight. And I thought about birds and planes and I started to type a list of all of the creatures and objects I could think of that had wings.

I continued adding to this list for what seemed like many hours, until dusk settled in and the moon began to rise. I started to feel a bit more at peace about my work situation, knowing that my managers, the people who manage me, might accept my list as the completion of the project. And I had not missed the deadline after all. And I started to think it might be OK to die here, at this place, in this moment.