I spent the day driving in circles, or in some cases, ovals. I couldn’t seem to get anywhere I needed to go, but it probably didn’t help that I had no idea where I needed to go today. Completely directionless, motivationless and passionless. Devoid.
Round and round I went. Over and over. It took me over an hour to find the river trailhead. And once I found it, I quickly realized that I needed insect repellent which was not in my possession and I just couldn’t handle it in the woods. I am such a lightweight.
So I thought, OK, skip the nature today. Maybe a tiny adventure to a new cannabis store in Uxbridge, MA. I waited in line for 1/2 hour and I was so proud of the quick decision I made to buy a disposable vape, cbd:thc 1:1. I was really excited about it. But I had no cash. And my debit card was nowhere to be found.
So I finally gave up. And headed back home.
Hoping I would feel different. Hoping for something unexpected. But it turns out, if you rarely leave your apartment, the likelihood of something unexpected occurring drops exponentially.
My world just keeps shrinking. Shrinking much faster than I could ever keep pace. And I float further and further away.
From connection .
From feeling and being authentic.
From feeling and being anything.
Drifting away. Floating away. Like the astronaut that HAL murdered in 2001. I think his name was Frank Poole. or Pool.