I am in a swamp. And it’s nothing like the Everglades. It might very well be like the Everglades, but I’m not really the right person to ask since I’ve never been to the Everglades, and it’s not even on the list of the top 10,000 places I would like to be before my expiration date. I am no expert.

But it sure does feel like a swamp. There’s movement, but it’s very slow and sluggish and it does not seem to be getting me very far. The more I move, the further away things become. I would not even know where to begin looking. And then I really have to watch out for crocodiles because you never know when one might find you. It doesn’t really matter if you have already crossed the swamp. You may have crossed it 6 decades ago. But they WILL find you. The crocodiles. Just make sure you are not alone when they do.

People always ask me why I wear crocodile shirts instead of alligator shirts. I tell them it’s for own protection. Some get it. Others don’t. It’s so strange that I’d much rather hang out with the ones that don’t get it. I’m not sure why that it is. I guess if they don’t get it, they probably don’t get me. So we expect less of each other. And are rarely disappointed.

My canoe glides through this thickish water almost imperceptibly. Were the land not moving so quickly away, I would not think I was moving at all. Eventually I will have forgotten why I came here. And I will just stand there. Frozen. I never in a million years could have imagined what it would be like to be frozen in swamp amidst this thickish heat and thicker humidity. If I were an ice cube, I would not stand a chance here.