Today it has come to my attention that I am not getting enough sleep. I actually have known this since I was 12, but it wasn’t until the previous sentence that I formally acknowledged it. That I formally began making connections. That I began to consider that sleep deprivation might have some connection with dull and muddled and not very sharp thinking, narrow, extremely literal yet inaccurate thinking, clumsiness of body and mind, inarticulate communication (oral, written, interpersonal and telepathic), lack of focus, lack of urgency, hyper-distractibility and sometimes hyper-irritability, lacksadaisability, debilitating melancholia. How could I have not considered it before? I guess I was too sleep deprived to notice.
I don’t know why I stay up until 2:00 a.m. when I have to be awake and functioning 5 hours later. Night after night. Dawn after dawn. Why this surge of energy arising just before midnight? Why is that the time when my mind is most free and clear? Why is it then when I am at most most productive and creative… when I have a wider view of the world? It’s a state I struggle to reach all day and finally when I am at my best, am I supposed to shortchange that? I owe it to myself to honor that, don’t I? Even though my honoring it tonight leads to the sleep deprivation that deprives me of reaching it tomorrow.
When will I learn?