i couldn’t sleep at all last night. I’m not sure why. I was depleted. I was exhausted. But it felt like there was a live current going through my body. and then I began to think thoughts that you are not supposed to think if you can’t fall asleep. such as “how am I going to function tomorrow? how will I possibly make it through the day? how many mistakes will I make at work? and how many mistakes will I make in human communication? and now what time is it? fuck!!” Which is cognitively unhealthy thinking.

But this live current could care less about cognition. it is alive in ways the rest of me is not. i suppose it’s possible it may outlive me. And then it will simply live as free floating energy.

maybe i could follow its lead. maybe it is guiding me to something and I need to pay attention to it. maybe it can be my teacher and my guide. maybe it could help me on those days when my spirit animal if off in the wilderness.

but really, if I don’t get more than 6 hours of sleep tonight, I think I might be in real trouble.