an overflow of unfortunate decisions and nondecisions that began at

1:00 a.m when I suddenly had an urgency to create a short video piece that I for whatever reason I just had to post on Facebook at that moment… or else.

1:45 a.m. video completed and posted to facebook

2:30 a.m. made it to bed.

3:30 a.m. could not fall asleep because I was too cold. it was freezing, but the owner of the house had just scolded me for using too much heat.

4:30 a.m. finally fell asleep after adding an extra layer, one of which was a down parka.

10:00 a.m. stumbled out of bed, ate oatmeal, and began to pack up for my one day trip to Northampton to meet with a gallery director about my performance proposal … and then spend the night at a hotel, and then go on a short hike somewhere around there the next day.

11:00 a.m. began packing for my one night stay

12:15 p.m. finally finished packing. I have no idea why it took so long.

12:30 tried to go to the organic grocery store to pick up lunch but there was no parking to be found. I could have easily just walked there

12:45 continued driving down Centre Street for lunch at a mediocre diner where I knew I would find parking.

1:45 left the diner and headed out to Northampton, at least 90 minutes late. Emailed the gallery director to tell her I would be running late. I offered to reschedule if this was an inconvenience, but since she didn’t respond, I thought everything would be find.

3:45 arrived at the gallery. The gallery director asked why I was so late. She did not say hello or thank me for coming, things that I would expect a human to do. I told her the traffic was slow leaving Boston, which I guess was partially true. I did not tell her that it was personal traffic that had nothing to do with driving. Then she said that she only had a few minutes. I showed her a couple of excerpts from the performance and I could tell she had absolutely no interest. But that did not deter me from showing her a second excerpt.

She said she would get back to me in a few weeks. I am guessing I will never hear from her again. Which is fine because life is too short to have people like intruding upon it.

4:30 went to a coffee joint. the staff was hip and unfriendly. the place was packed, no empty tables, but I stood around because I had nowhere else to go. Eventually found a table. And I thought, maybe it’s time to look into where I am going to stay tonight because I still had not made a reservation. I could not find anything online in my price range that did not look depressing. So I went on Priceline, bid $60 on a “3 star” hotel. My bid was rejected. Tried another bid at $80, which became $97 adding in tax. My bid was accepted and it showed that I would be staying at the Autumn Inn. Read read some of the user reviews, mainly people saying that it was a 1 star hotel at the very max. The photos were equally dismal.

I thought that maybe I should just swallow the $97 loss and try to look at it as a speeding ticket, and head “home.” But then I was so angry at myself for my poor judgement, I decided that I deserved to spend the night there. And besides that, if I stayed, I could get up early and hike somewhere beautiful, which was actually my excuse for traveling there. the gallery was secondary. And then, refreshed and exhilarated from my hike, I could drive drive to Boston in time for my late afternoon OKcupid date. But then I thought how nice it would be wake up and already be in Boston, and then I could just wander around this park in Cambridge I hear is so beautiful.

But then I thought, c’mon… what’s one night in a shitty hotel? Why am I so spoiled?

And this went on back and forth, back and forth.

6:00 Dinner at a falafel place, quite good actually. since they had wi-fi, I continued to look online for any clues from the universe as to whether I should stay or head back.

6:45 Decided to stay. Went back to the coffee joint to continue my online research and use the bathroom. It was closed. So I walked over to “State Street Fruit” which was actually a liquor store with a small produce section. I asked if I could use their bathroom. The cashier told me I could not and suggested that I go to the coffee joint.

I thought, I think I’ll be OK to hang on until I arrive at the hotel. But I had forgotten where I had parked. In absolute desperation, I found found a small alley with some bushes between the back of an Indian restaurant and a real estate office that appeared to be closed. I went, undetected.

7:40 Located my car.

7:44 drove up and down Elm Street in search of the Autumn Inn. It took several passes before I finally found it. I thought I could at least give the room a chance…  and then I could decide if it was tolerable or not. Just give a chance, I told myself. Is that too much to ask?

8:00 arrived at the hotel room. it was even more depressing than I thought. I think the empty old rocking chair in the corner really got to me for some reason. I anticipated a night of nightmares. just very bad vibes about the hotel… And then the loud stomping of the hotel guests above me. the universe seemed to be telling me something.

8:30 got back in my car and headed “home.” most of the trip somehow managing not to think about this squandered day and squandered money.

10:30 arrived “home.” i tried to find the positives. the people at the falafel place were nice.