could somebody tell me why writing has suddenly become like this scary thing to me?  is there something that triggered it? the idea of focusing upon something feels hugely impossible because i tend to stray somewhere else.

maybe i’ve become overly reliant upon text messaging, which is where I feel I am at my best. What is up with that?

but even there, focus is difficult to maintain. i have one friend who keeps pointing out to me that I am repeating something i had already said 5 texts before that, on the same day, within the same hour. Or if I express amusement at something she said, she points out that she is simply repeating something I said earlier in the conversation, of which i have no memory.

maybe it’s a good thing. the concept of tossing thoughts and words out into the stratosphere and then completely forgetting about them. another form of non-possesssivenes, egolessness, which is something i always strive toward.

maybe i am getting too good at non-possessiveness. maybe it’s not really all that it’s made out to be. maybe the best thing would be for me to return to smoking weed as I did ages ago…. when I really had focus.