i am noticing a disturbing trend. i notice that when i do not write anything new on my blog, i have no readership. this is really distressing because of days like yesterday when i literally had nothing new to say. but still felt obliged to write, and then i felt that i failed as my day ended without acting upon my obligation (and the act of creation should never feel like an obligation). it was a personal failure and i could not rise above it. i guess i live in a world where communication is sometimes necessary.
but what about those days when i feel empty and my soul is barren? doesn’t calling more attention to this by writing about it only fortify the emptiness and barreness? i run into this a lot. in trying to feel un-alone, i wander the city looking for places where humans tend to congregate. and sometimes this works. and sometimes it doesn’t. and the more people around you, the more you feel alone. so then solitude become the place to not feel alone. which was not my intention.