it’s oh so tempting to delete yesterday’s post, but i don’t think i am allowed to do that here. technically, i am allowed, but morally, ethically, i cannot give myself permission to delete. one can’t go out and about in the world, deleting everything in sight that one questions or finds uncomfortable, can one?

i found this almost perfect apartment tonight on my new favorite street downtown. in this old building that used to be a printing house, on printer’s row, which might be one of Chicago’s most magical neighborhoods. maybe because it does not feel like Chicago at all. Which for me would be a breath of fresh air. A sanctuary from the stale air. if only the air in this apartment was not ridden with dust mites. the downside.

so i’ve been trying to figure out what costs I can cut out of my life to be able to afford to live there. some things are obvious. do i really need a landline? do i really need to drive so much? do i even need to pay for public transportation since the apartment is only a 15 minute walk from work? do i really need to pay someone to cut my hair? do i really need hair? and the therapist who makes me feel miserable. that would be a huge saving in every possible respect, far beyond it’s financial implications. i would take joy in cutting her. i feel lighter just thinking about it.

i could cut out my travel expenses which lately have consisted of long drives to various states in the midwest. so there isn’t a lot i can cut there, but just imagine if i had no travel expenses whatsoever. if i simply did not go out anywhere, ever. that could be a cost-saver. i would not have to spend money on dog food, dog treats, dog toys or a vet because i would not be able to support a dog. unless the dog could generate some revenue. i don’t know how that could happen.

and maybe i could eat out less. or at least eat in smaller portions. fewer pineapples. and maybe as a general rule, I could keep a less healthy diet, which is kind of an extravagance in this country.

not spend money on coffee which is bad for my voice. what else? well, i guess an internet connection is a necessity. that’s unfortunate. i don’t buy a lot of new or used clothes, so there’s not much to cut there. um…. gosh this is hard. i could cancel my gym membership, but i need that as much as an internet connection.

gosh, i must sound so petty bourgeois and western. it’s true. i can’t get away from that.

maybe i do need to get away from that. maybe that’s the entire argument for why i should take this apartment.

oh one more thing. i could do a better job at befriending people who are wealthier than me and who would consider it an honor to pay for things i need and things i do not need but like to do. someone to take care of me who asks for nothing in return. i guess such a person might be called a patron.

how do you find a patron? maybe someone who manages a hedge fund. maybe i should try to learn what a hedge fund manager actually does.  maybe i should figure all of this out before committing to a one-year lease.

something to consider.