just when i think it couldn’t go any higher, i am reaching new highs of alienation at work. there’s so much aggressive male energy, so much of it, it’s this foreign land i do not know how to navigate. it’s the kind of environment that i’ve spent my entire life — each and every waking hour — doing my best to avoid. and now here i am. in the thick of it.

if there were 1 friendly face, 1 encouraging voice, 1 hint of acknowledgement, maybe everything would not feel so oppressive. maybe i could find a place to breathe a sigh of relief.

but all of these men, these un-artful men … like a fraternity of undergraduate business students. they’re so loud, too. so unfunny and so loud. a lethal combination. and they talk down to me, too. i am glad i never worked as their house-keeper or janitor.

and my co-worker is just as masculine as the students. she cuts you off before you have chance to complete your sentences. she corrects you a lot. you ask her now she is doing and she tells you that you forgot one detail in a monotonous procedure. and when you ask her about her weekend, she tells you that there are 2 hockey games to watch on tv.

each day, i crawl deeper and deeper into myself. and when the workday is done, i have no idea who this person is that i’ve been carrying in my body. Who are you?