i apologize to everybody for being invisible these past few days. i have been overwhelmed and shocked and disoriented from my previous state of semi-slaggard-ness to a regular 8:30-5:00 full-time day gig. i can’t believe that I have to start getting ready for bed in less than an hour and it’s only 9:30pm.

in these first few days, my thoughts have drifted between how am i ever going to get through this to i don’t think i can do this to how long will it take before they realize that i am the wrong person for this job to i wonder if i should just tell them i am the wrong person. 

but then the reality check always comes down to health insurance. what are we but slaves to health insurance?

this week is “on-board training” which means that i am inundated with instructions, one-to-one meetings, committee meetings… i am mainly being trained by this one person i’ll be working with, rather high-energy (at least compared to me) and today i was forced to ask her to speak more slowly and allow me time to write down each step of a specific task. we spent about 2 hours in orienting me to using the postage meter.  And that still was not time enough.

beyond that, meetings with people who assume i have far more intelligence and knowledge than i could rightfully claim. at one meeting, i was almost caught dozing when someone asked me if she was using the phrase “pro forma” correctly. it brought me back to 5th grade when i was very frequently caught staring out the window, and my teacher responded by moving my desk front row, center. away from the window. pro forma.

and the last thing i’ll say because it’s time to brush my teeth. i have no idea how people do it. how do people wake up 7:00 a.m. to get to work by 8:30 a.m., work for 8 hours, try to fit in a workout, get home in time to eat dinner before 9 p.m., and then to bed at 10:30? how? and i know i have it comparatively easy.

but comparing myself to other has only wrought anguish and despair in my life.