why are there days when it feels like such a strain to be nice to people? i don’t mean to not be nice but sometimes it’s so hard to shed that protective shield that protects me from people who might not be nice to me.
the concept of Nice bewilders me. most of my (online) dates seem to end with my date telling me you seem really nice, but i just don’t feel any chemistry here.
in which case, Nice is really an thinly veiled insult. the worst thing one can be called is Nice. When people tell me they think I am Nice, I feel humiliated.
it’s far better applied to objects… that’s a nice set of wheels you have there… or body parts… i think your toes are rather nice… or an entire culture… the people in Bogota are always so nice.
but otherwise, Nice is almost as bad as Interesting… or maybe even Above Average. Which is not a very nice place to be. (i really did not want to end the post with that statement, but i lost all control.)
The Lost Pedestrian 
hehe… Oy. Nice is a funny word to begin with – its etymology traces a strange pendulum bounce of meaning from bad to good to bad to good and to bad again.
You’re not alone in the search for a partner or even a second date. Really, you’re not. If that’s of any comfort to you. And a lot of people, including myself and people close to me, chose to stick with something crappy because nothing good was coming along. Not sure which is worse – being alone and lonely, or being with someone crappy. But just remember, though it feels like you’re being picked out of all lovers in the universe as the ‘nice’, undatable one – you’re not. You’re one of gagillions of lovely human beings who are hoping and trying.
I suppose that might not sound supportive… but I mean it from the Buddhist point of view: Suffering is often worse when we believe we are alone in it. And it can be eased by feeling compassion for others who are feeling the same way.
All of this is stuff I’ve told and tell myself about this and other matters. So if it’s coming off lecture-y at all, it’s only because it’s a practiced lecture I’ve given myself.
just to clarify, my current partner P isn’t crappy… but at least a dozen before him were.
He wants very much to meet you, by the way. I’ve talked of you often.