I’ve been coasting all day. Avoiding anything remotely uncomfortable or decisive. But I guess avoidance leads to numbness which leads discomfort about numbness and uncertainty about how it will end, except in a sentence such as this one.

I have a real talent for avoiding the sun, as you probably know by now. And avoiding thinking about where i will live in 3 weeks. Whether I am coming or going to who knows where? Somebody knows. But not me. .

Maybe I will live under a different sun that I won’t work so hard to avoid all of the time. Maybe that sun would prefer to avoid me. I think I am ok with that, I tell myself.

So now I’m watching the sunset. Actually watching the parking garage that blocks the sunset. But I can sense the dimming glow.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I have a craving for a dirty vodka martini. But I haven’t done much to earn it.